Participate.

getting the lights on

The ongoing fight with the voices inside our head
to unify, to make a sound recognizable to our ears
to magnify each other, in unison.
The dream:
Our voice was completely and totally captured.

It came in the form of a brilliant light

 

Looking out the window, eyes drawn to the light
I was floating, free from the bounds of flesh

Something was holding me up, perhaps it was
the possibility of falling that fell away from my mind

There was something below me
something all around me,
something all around.
The light was coming from somewhere
It wasn’t just coming from me.

 

I looked around
and saw no one,
but felt something.
recognition

 

I knew that no matter where I was, I was always there
back in some corner of my mind, there was a light
and I was crowding around it.
And I wasn’t alone.

 

I didn’t hear the sound
and neither did he

 

But we live for the glimpses,
the correspondence
and welcome it when it comes.

 

Bathed in the silence I have never been more happy to fight.

Leap of faith

Sometimes it feels like I can clear the gap
between where I’m standing and where I’ll end up
and that’s when I want to jump

I want to feel the impact of my body
falling through the air
Slipping through the seconds
The rush of the wind coming out from under my body as it hits the surface of the air
And then leaves it

With only the whisper of me, not my name

I want to share my secrets with the land that gave birth to me,
and get lost in the space between–
completely suspended in this beautiful energy
I could fly forever.

I could plunge the depths and never have to worry about coming back up for air.

Bitter towards a world who can’t drown in the confusion of silence

I see your lips move, but what are you saying?

 

We continue to dust the food toward the edges of our plates,

Just as we always do,

Excusing the lack of communication

Because there’s everything to talk about

                                And nothing to say

We are on two opposite sides of the spectrum

And trust me, I would do anything if only to bridge the gap

But live with the knowledge that I can’t.

 

I’m only human too.

“I am profusely sweating, write that down.” I can’t keep up with this… I’m standing on Mount Vesuvius. I’m taking a nap on thiss h ower. The walls are clawed… I am not imagining this.We were two sides to one person… At first we were like little kids again, exploring the regions of the unknown and beginning to love and understand the world around us. As the night bled on, we dug our way under the surface to find ourselves screaming. I’ve never felt so naked, so exposed to a single person in my entire life. Every thought that swam its way into our heads was screamed at each other. Our emotions were thrown up all over the walls. I’m so sore right now. We were little acrobats, throwing ourselves around in a desperate attempt to be one with this world. Everything seemed to melt into everything. We were breathing with the trees and watching our fingers float away. There was a time when I looked into the mirror and saw myself as another person. At times being exposed to everything you’ve ever felt was too much. 

Pencil to paper, and to paper, will
the ticket stub to our latest thrill.

 

 

 

force reaction

Omnipresent distractions: seemingly pressing enough to ignore what my conscience once thought defined a meaningful life. Useless attempts to stop what I’ve started, to return to my mindless self indulgence. Opposite force working together to trigger a reaction–Impending relief.
Launching myself down a road of incredible velocity, zig-zags and uncontrollable vibrations. The sugar coated path is tempting. Taking advantage of my weakness– my drifting fading willpowe.  Indifferent to my further purpose. Intentions are worthless. More tainted conversations with yesterday’s reflection. A full force, high speed train with no breaks. worn from the cycle. Forcing the wear and tear of never-ending days. Slaves losing a sense of redemption.

Hoping to satisfy the new tomorrow and yet sick of being compelled to be perfect.

So this is what I’ve been waiting for all along.  It’s surprising how grateful I am for this nothing.

Strange blur of emotion
but somehow void.
My restless mind exploring the opportunities of life
unnecessary anticipation
recalling the past with peace
the only difference is percetion.
The reoccuring confusion.

The melody flowing through my bloodstream, regulating my heart beat, reimbursing my drifting, fading willpower. I think I’d rather spend the rest of my life listening to this song, The Piano Man. No really, I would, Even if it is compromised by Elly’s eager singing voice. It’d be nice to just sit on Ashley’s couch, illuminated by the lights and the hand-made ornaments of our second grade years. I want to return to my home planet. Our crazy consists of the bath tub, it’s our sanctuary, where we drown our stagnant thoughts in our sea of blankets. Where our feelings dance in the mind of the other and are thrown up all over the walls. I’ve never felt so whole, so accepting of my fate. I’m not saying it wasn’t painful, though. Knowing that there are people who obtain comfort in watching someone else’s struggle because it signals their success. We’ve lost our enchantment for this world, for anything but ourselves

Muse. Compound. Word. Lifeless. Growing desire. The emptiness of the room seemed to echo so loudly within the boundaries of it, my protective snow globe. My movements began to increase at a rapid pace, seeming to distract my mind from the numbing sensations that started to make their appearance. I was in a state of pure confusion. Is this my life? I think to myself. My existence defined by the days that sponge together, dulling with each compromise. Unhappy, numbing, alone. By this point I’d started to recognize the presence of a miniature hand, spewing out from the base of my pen. Hallucination? I think not. For now. Although I can’t really be sure of anything. I guess that’s how these things go. Sudden contentment came over me, as I relaxed my body, separating my restless mind from the miracle about to come over me. Conspicuously sprawled out on my bed. I felt sudden excitement… euphoria

I see it! I saw a pipe then a sombrero. Ah, damn!  Too bad there are no clouds. I don’t like the stars .They’re harder to make pictures with… unless you’re a dyke.

New note. At least we dig each other. She does cocaineeeee. So much weakness and so much balance. Is it unacceptable? My body temperature keeps changing, I don’t like it. Are you still high? I wouldn’t be seeing boxes in the sky if I wasn’t. She’s purging. For now I have the blanket to myself, but by writing this I am most definitely jeopardizing my well being. I can hear the dogs eating the throw up. I think she’s trying to tell me her body is breaking out of the spectrum. Am I going to sleep? No, but I should. Applying to jobs is fitting a mold. I am? My mind is filled with images of swing sets and it’s weird to think of your actions in terms of someone else’s point of view. That’s what she said, mothafucka. This house is a home. The silver coil extended the creamy sculpt of god’s face. He asked for me to embrace him. She never remembers. Or does she just try not to? I don’t think I can dance dance without a ba ba. I’m all for the sad room experience. This is a nation of motivation. My mind is switching objects. The melody is grabbing me and slamming my bare body across the wall. How do we confuse these emotions? I want to live the day everyone is illuminated. The world has no mercy. Everyone seems to want something out of everybody else… They’re all running around with pieces. The maps of nostalgia. I felt an intense pulse of emotion while I was shaking that bottle of mini conditioner. Almost as if I was on top of the wooooooorld. And I am. Sometimes. No remorse, and have Kat take care of the toilet paper. Oh, now I’m hearing voices. I’m sorry but there are some rules you can’t break. She pulled the plug on her heart and soul. I don’t know how it ended up like this, but we have to do this without proof.